Story of My Life

Scene: Interior of fancy restaurant, night

Violet stands at a podium with a long line of people waiting to be seated. She is talking on the phone

Violet: (in a fake chipper voice) Good Evening! Thank you for calling Gemma this is Violet. How can I assist you? I’m sorry we don’t take reservations. Yes even for large groups. I take walk in of large groups all the time. I took a walk in of 10 people last night. Yes. The wait right now is two hours. Yes. I have a very long waitlist going. I can’t take your name over the phone because that’s a reservation. My name is Violet. Okay, okay you’re welcome. Bye.

A man walks up to the podium with his arm around a woman

Annoying guy: Hi. Howard for 8:30.

Violet: What?

Annoying guy: (Talking very loud and very slow) H O W A R D for 8:30.

Violet: (mumbles) Okay geez! I’m not deaf. (Looks at computer) Are you waiting on the other two people in your party?

Annoying guy: Yeah but we’re going to go ahead and sit down.

The phone starts to ring

Violet: Actually we don’t seat incomplete parties. So if you want to grab a drink…

Annoying guy: But we want to sit down... now.

Violet: Excuse me I have to get this. (Picks up the phone) Good evening Gemma! How can I help you? I’m sorry we don’t take reservations. Yes even for large groups. I take walk in of large groups all the time. The restaurant has a lot of large tables. Yes. The wait right now is two hours. Yes. I have a very long waitlist going. I can’t take your name over the phone Sir because that’s a reservation. Okay, okay you’re welcome. My name is Violet. Bye.

Annoying guy: Why can’t we sit down?

Violet: Restaurant policy is that we don’t seat incomplete parties. So you can grab a drink at the bar and let me know when the rest of your party gets here.

Annoying guy: This is ridiculous I am good friend with the owner of this place.

Violet: Okay (beat) I’m still not going to seat you until the other two people get here.

Annoying guy: Maybe I should just call him and tell him how I’m being treated by, what’s you name?

Violet: Britney.

Annoying guy: Maybe I should call him and tell him how poorly his hostess BRITNEY is treating customers.

The phone starts to ring

Violet: Maybe you should. (Violet picks up the phone) Gemma. We don’t take reservations. Yes even for large groups. Four people aren’t a large group anyways. Okay so then why did you ask? Okay… The wait right now is two hours. There’s a long waiting list. ...Because you’re not the only person in Manhattan who wants to eat at this restaurant. Fuck you too lady! (She slams down the phone).

Annoying guy: Do you always talk to people like that?

Violet: Is there something I can do for you?

The phone start to ring.

Annoying guy: We want to sit down.

Violet: Sir, I am not going to fucking seat you until the other two assholes in your party arrive. (Picks up the phone)