Scene: Interior of fancy restaurant, night
Violet stands at a podium with a long line of people waiting to be seated. She is talking on the phone
Violet: (in a fake chipper voice) Good Evening! Thank you for calling Gemma this is Violet. How can I assist you? I’m sorry we don’t take reservations. Yes even for large groups. I take walk in of large groups all the time. I took a walk in of 10 people last night. Yes. The wait right now is two hours. Yes. I have a very long waitlist going. I can’t take your name over the phone because that’s a reservation. My name is Violet. Okay, okay you’re welcome. Bye.
A man walks up to the podium with his arm around a woman
Annoying guy: Hi. Howard for 8:30.
Violet: What?
Annoying guy: (Talking very loud and very slow) H O W A R D for 8:30.
Violet: (mumbles) Okay geez! I’m not deaf. (Looks at computer) Are you waiting on the other two people in your party?
Annoying guy: Yeah but we’re going to go ahead and sit down.
The phone starts to ring
Violet: Actually we don’t seat incomplete parties. So if you want to grab a drink…
Annoying guy: But we want to sit down... now.
Violet: Excuse me I have to get this. (Picks up the phone) Good evening Gemma! How can I help you? I’m sorry we don’t take reservations. Yes even for large groups. I take walk in of large groups all the time. The restaurant has a lot of large tables. Yes. The wait right now is two hours. Yes. I have a very long waitlist going. I can’t take your name over the phone Sir because that’s a reservation. Okay, okay you’re welcome. My name is Violet. Bye.
Annoying guy: Why can’t we sit down?
Violet: Restaurant policy is that we don’t seat incomplete parties. So you can grab a drink at the bar and let me know when the rest of your party gets here.
Annoying guy: This is ridiculous I am good friend with the owner of this place.
Violet: Okay (beat) I’m still not going to seat you until the other two people get here.
Annoying guy: Maybe I should just call him and tell him how I’m being treated by, what’s you name?
Violet: Britney.
Annoying guy: Maybe I should call him and tell him how poorly his hostess BRITNEY is treating customers.
The phone starts to ring
Violet: Maybe you should. (Violet picks up the phone) Gemma. We don’t take reservations. Yes even for large groups. Four people aren’t a large group anyways. Okay so then why did you ask? Okay… The wait right now is two hours. There’s a long waiting list. ...Because you’re not the only person in Manhattan who wants to eat at this restaurant. Fuck you too lady! (She slams down the phone).
Annoying guy: Do you always talk to people like that?
Violet: Is there something I can do for you?
The phone start to ring.
Annoying guy: We want to sit down.
Violet: Sir, I am not going to fucking seat you until the other two assholes in your party arrive. (Picks up the phone)
About Me
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Facebook Stalker
I was sitting in front of my laptop on my bed surrounded by a huge white down comforter, four pillows, a bottle of wine, and three empty beer cans furiously clicking through Justin’s pictures on Facebook. Who was this girl in the pictures with him? Why was his arm around her? And why is she all over his Facebook wall?!?! I immediately picked up the phone and called Natasha.
“Hello?”
“Natasha! Who is this fat girl all over Justin’s Facebook profile?”
“I don’t know... Wait, let me sign in and look.”
“I need to know who she is,” I continued. “Are they together now? Already? I mean, we just broke up like 2 weeks ago and now he has some bitch all over his Facebook profile?!”
“Wait. Which girl are we talking about?”
“The one with the long straight blonde…is there more than one?”
Natasha was silent, but I can hear the clicking from her laptop.
“Natasha?”
“I guess you can’t see the other pictures because you’re not friends with Terrance,” she says finally.
“There are more pictures?!”
“Well…yeah,” Natasha said carefully. “But I’m more worried about the blonde than the redhead.”
“There’s a redhead?!”
“Yeah…” she said slowly.
I was stunned. How had sweet Justin turned into some sort of pimp over night?! I hadn’t even been on a date since we broke up. This couldn’t be. I won’t believe it. This redheaded girl must be ugly. She must be fat.
“Natasha, I need you to e-mail me the picture of Justin and the redhead girl. I need to see it.”
“Honey, I really don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Look, I know I’m being crazy. I know that this is not the right thing to do, but please humor me.”
“I don’t know…”
“Natasha! Send. Me. The. Picture.”
“Are you sure?”
“SEND IT!”
“Okay…”
I knew I was being crazy, but I couldn’t help it. Justin was the first guy that I had really felt like I could be with, like really be with. I broke up with him because I was scared of him. I was scared of the way he felt about me, the way he made me feel about myself, and most of all I was scared of the way I felt about him. I knew the second I hung up the phone with him the night we broke up that I had made a mistake, but there was no going back.
“Weren’t you the one that broke up with him?” Natasha asked carefully. Although I found the question slightly hurtful I knew that she was just trying to snap me out of my drunken craziness, but I couldn’t be stopped. The crazy had been unleashed and it just needed to run its course.
“Yes,” I said reluctantly. She had me there. “It’s not like I care,” I said trying to recover some dignity. “It’s just the principle! And besides I didn’t break up with him because I didn’t like him. We broke up because he didn’t want to be in a relationship. CLEARLY what he meant was that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with ME!”
“Hello?”
“Natasha! Who is this fat girl all over Justin’s Facebook profile?”
“I don’t know... Wait, let me sign in and look.”
“I need to know who she is,” I continued. “Are they together now? Already? I mean, we just broke up like 2 weeks ago and now he has some bitch all over his Facebook profile?!”
“Wait. Which girl are we talking about?”
“The one with the long straight blonde…is there more than one?”
Natasha was silent, but I can hear the clicking from her laptop.
“Natasha?”
“I guess you can’t see the other pictures because you’re not friends with Terrance,” she says finally.
“There are more pictures?!”
“Well…yeah,” Natasha said carefully. “But I’m more worried about the blonde than the redhead.”
“There’s a redhead?!”
“Yeah…” she said slowly.
I was stunned. How had sweet Justin turned into some sort of pimp over night?! I hadn’t even been on a date since we broke up. This couldn’t be. I won’t believe it. This redheaded girl must be ugly. She must be fat.
“Natasha, I need you to e-mail me the picture of Justin and the redhead girl. I need to see it.”
“Honey, I really don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Look, I know I’m being crazy. I know that this is not the right thing to do, but please humor me.”
“I don’t know…”
“Natasha! Send. Me. The. Picture.”
“Are you sure?”
“SEND IT!”
“Okay…”
I knew I was being crazy, but I couldn’t help it. Justin was the first guy that I had really felt like I could be with, like really be with. I broke up with him because I was scared of him. I was scared of the way he felt about me, the way he made me feel about myself, and most of all I was scared of the way I felt about him. I knew the second I hung up the phone with him the night we broke up that I had made a mistake, but there was no going back.
“Weren’t you the one that broke up with him?” Natasha asked carefully. Although I found the question slightly hurtful I knew that she was just trying to snap me out of my drunken craziness, but I couldn’t be stopped. The crazy had been unleashed and it just needed to run its course.
“Yes,” I said reluctantly. She had me there. “It’s not like I care,” I said trying to recover some dignity. “It’s just the principle! And besides I didn’t break up with him because I didn’t like him. We broke up because he didn’t want to be in a relationship. CLEARLY what he meant was that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with ME!”
Friday, June 5, 2009
Things I have lost in the past five years living in NYC:
1 Gold Quilted Marc Jacobs wallet
$170
1 black strappy sandal (the left one)
1 vintage white clutch with a gold clasp
3 boyfriends
4 CitiBank debit cards
1 US Passport
6 ID’s (2 fake, 4 real)
30lbs (which I promptly gained back)
Hundreds of hair elastics
Thousands of bobby pins
1 pair of black leather gloves that my mother gave me for Christmas
1 pair of size 9 brown leather riding boots from Banana Republic
1 Waitress position at Bar Stuzzichini
2 Best friends
1 pair of gold aviator sunglasses
1 CD (Overcast by Atmosphere)
1 Mac Powerbook
1 Hostess position at Barbuto Restaurant
1 French waiter/painter
The desire to be famous
$170
1 black strappy sandal (the left one)
1 vintage white clutch with a gold clasp
3 boyfriends
4 CitiBank debit cards
1 US Passport
6 ID’s (2 fake, 4 real)
30lbs (which I promptly gained back)
Hundreds of hair elastics
Thousands of bobby pins
1 pair of black leather gloves that my mother gave me for Christmas
1 pair of size 9 brown leather riding boots from Banana Republic
1 Waitress position at Bar Stuzzichini
2 Best friends
1 pair of gold aviator sunglasses
1 CD (Overcast by Atmosphere)
1 Mac Powerbook
1 Hostess position at Barbuto Restaurant
1 French waiter/painter
The desire to be famous
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